


nobody

by soulofme



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 10:37:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20375383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulofme/pseuds/soulofme
Summary: I know you want it more, but you gotta face the truth.





	nobody

**Author's Note:**

> listen to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUVP4UA4rqY) to really get the vibes lmao

there's heat, pooling in his stomach, right down where even he can't see it. it hurts in the worst kind of way, like getting punched in the teeth, like drowning and feeling like your lungs might just burst. but it's the kind of pain someone chases after, like an addict, always trying to find something that'll cool the burn.

he thinks he can find relief, somehow, in another person. it's bullshit, of course, because no one can help you but yourself. he hasn't figured that out yet, or maybe he has, and he just doesn't want to admit it.

mark tuan is everything he is not. he is selfless and brave, strong-willed and honest. a good friend, the kind of person people lean on for support. he is nothing like jaebum, and maybe that's _fine_.

but mark does not love jaebum in the way he wants him to. and that, decidedly, is _not_ fine.

there's this part of jaebum that thinks mark can somehow take away the pain. maybe he can. mark can do anything to him and jaebum will fall right into him, lose himself in his body and soul and every goddamn part of his being, his existence.

now is the only time they work well together, when mark's soft little mouth is against jaebum's, when the kisses are playful and insistent but they don't mean anything, not to anyone. the heat that was in jaebum's stomach is now a full blown flame. he feels the fire licking at his insides, burning up everything inside of him.

mark is cold where jaebum is hot, and that is why jaebum sneaks his hands under his shirt and presses his palms flat against mark's heaving stomach. he's soft. he breathes out something shakily against jaebum's ear and his breath is warm. 

they only thing compatible between them is their bodies.

mark is an ocean and jaebum is drowing inside of him, battered by tall, thunderous waves. he can't breathe, he's drowning, right here on this bed, right here with his hips rocking in a steady rhythm, with mark's long legs wrapped up around his waist, his heels digging into the base of his spine. spurring him on, pulling him closer. but not too close.

never that close.

jaebum's every thought is centered on mark. it's always like this when they fuck.

fuck, because this isn't making love and jaebum's not stupid enough to think that it is. he can't hear his own ragged breaths or the way mark moans his name soft and pretty. but he can feel the sweat slicking his skin, the way his hands shake when he grabs mark's hips and pulls him towards him, burying himself deeper inside and getting a pitiful whine for his efforts.

mark's shirt is rucked up around his armpits and jaebum's jeans are still on, pushed down and opened up enough that he'd been able to get his dick out. there's something feral about this. this is sex in the most basic of forms, a primal desire that everyone has tucked into the back of their mind.

mark's hands are on his shoulders, switching between digging into the meat of them and just laying there like a solid weight. his thumb brushes against jaebum's pulse point and jaebum wonders what he feels. if he realizes that the way it pounds, loud, proud, is just for him, and nobody else.

_don't expect anything_.

jaebum has to remind himself of that, sometimes, more often than not. it hurts and hurts and hurts some more, but he doesn't complain. but this is all he can get, and he'll take as much as he can. if mark gives him an inch, jaebum will take a mile.

because he's selfish. because he's desperate. because he's trapped in mark and there's no way to escape.

jaebum's eyes have squeezed shut but he forces them open. he looks at mark's face and expects a hard gaze, something cold and piercing he'll see long after mark is gone.

but there is nothing like that. because mark is not the bad guy jaebum paints him out to be in his dreams. mark's face is open and calm, honest in all the ways jaebum can never be. he's so honest that jaebum swears he can fucking taste it.

later, mark will walk away and leave jaebum with his taste lingering on his tongue. jaebum will stare after him but won't dare to follow, because that's not what this is. but he will close his eyes, and he will let the ocean breeze wash over him, cold and grounding, as it whisks away every trace of mark. it will be like he never existed. like he was just a beautiful figment of jaebum's imagination.

and jaebum will sit on that sandy path, because his knees will buckle and give out beneath him. he will sit there and feel sorry for himself, because that's all he knows how to do.

mark arches beneath him like he's a live wire and that snaps him back to the present. he puts everything he can into each thrust of his hips, wraps a shaking hand around mark where he's red and leaking and prays that mark doesn't realize he's ten seconds away from crying.

their time is coming to an end, jaebum knows, but he's not ready. not ready to go home and try to forget mark. not ready to forget his lips, his eyes, his hands, the sounds he makes when they're no one around to tell him to be quiet. he'll shower, like he always does, and every little bit of mark he has will swirl down the drain and go somewhere far away from jaebum.

when this is finished, jaebum won't think of mark. won't see him, won't hear him, won't feel him around him. he'll leave mark behind on this beach with the crashing waves. he'll bury the memory of him beneath the sand, leave it like a seashell for someone else to come across and find, to take care of and cherish in a way jaebum no longer can.

but even so, jaebum knows he can't forget. mark is ingrained in him. branded on his skin. he is an itch that goes beneath his skin, one that he can't scratch no matter how hard he tries. jaebum will feel him even when he is gone because mark will enter his bloodstream, poison him slowly from the inside out.

_don't expect anything_.

it's a silly thing to think. because jaebum does not expect anything. there is not one thing he can pin down and say that he wants. because in the forefront of his mind, there is a bold presence that reminds him of one cruel fact. he does not expect anything from mark.

he expects everything.


End file.
